“Most of mankind’s misery stems from feeling unloved.” – Joyce Meyer
This is all so profound to me. This week, like a banner being towed across the sky by an airplane, the word ABANDONMENT flashed before my eyes.
This week, the layer known as approval addiction was peeled back to reveal what really lied beneath. A fear of abandonment was one of the first things my therapist mentioned to me. Though at the time, I thought it might make sense, this week, after a few moments of adversity reared its head and based how I then responded to it, I no longer just think it makes sense, but now know it indeed does makes sense.
For many who have a fear of abandonment, adversity can breed a sense that love has been withdrawn and that one has been forsaken. The fear of abandonment can be much deeper than the adversity itself. (Paraphrasing further that which Joyce Meyers wrote about this from a devotional a good friend sent me.)
And so it is with me.
When I am met with adversity either big or small or I created or someone else created, I immediately go to this place. So naturally, my posture always assumes the worst. I seek to proactively avoid adversity by having my guard up.
Even the very hint of adversity, even if it is the least minor of minor things, I immediately assume love has been withdrawn and that I have been forsaken, or at least it will be once this adversity is made known.
They always say that the best offense is a good defense. However, when held down by a fear of abandonment, the best offense might be better off being a brief timeout to adjust your optics to the situation that is unfolding before one opens their mouth.
When you live under this fear and don’t even know it, it is amazing how it changes everything. You get to the point where based on body language, tone of voice, or whatever, you proactively decide before the other person says a thing that they will and have withdrawn their love for you and will forsake you even within the least of things.
Oh the damage this can cause.
Imagine being the one with something to say to someone who suffers from fear of abandonment? After a while, you just stop for fear of retribution, assumptions, and whatever else the person can hurl at you.
But here’s the ticker… the person that has something to say loves you, they believe in you, they will not forsake you. (Though they may consider it after years of facing this.)
Proactively believe that before adversity comes again.
Face it, in this life, adversity will come. Just based on the opening quote from Joyce Meyer will tell you this. This can be hard after years of being held tightly within this stronghold. It takes trust.
I read this in an article I found on lifescript.com:
Anyone can be diagnosed with fear of abandonment; it is not age or gender specific.
Men and women have been equally diagnosed with fear of abandonment, and it is very prevalent in children as well, especially children who have parents who are physically present, but emotionally unavailable.
In reviewing the symptoms of fear of abandonment, this one stood out as it sounded a lot like to me something I have written about frequently here on these posts… approval addiction.
Reaching Out – Someone who suffers from fear of abandonment may reach out for anyone whom he or she has a relationship with.
This may lead to unhealthy relationships, or simply the individual’s worst fear, which is driving away the person he or she is clinging to.
It reminds me of a quote that spilled out of my mouth once..
Surround yourself with those who elevate your spiritual posture, not your ego.
All along I thought my discovery of approval addiction was ground floor. What I realized this past week was that fear of abandonment was beyond the next layer.
Where this all began is still a bit of a mystery to me. That being said, it resonates deeply. Funny how I am just now seeing that which my therapist saw in me after just a few visits nearly 10 months ago.
But now that I know this, see this, and am coming to own this… I see a clearer picture of where it all began. And this allows me to surrender this and all that led up to this.
So, what do I do with all of this? I thank God that He makes all things new. I thank God that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I thank God that He loves me no matter what. I guess this all means that I finally begin to truly receive God and ALL that He has for me.
His love was not withdrawn from me. His love was actually poured out for me long before I came to being. He had no plans to forsake me. And so, here I sit despite all I have done… I have never been unloved. His love simply put, has surperseded all that I have done. In understanding the fear of abandonment, I can now see that which was a barrier for me to fully accept this Great Big Love.
And with this, I sit now and ponder.
- Pondering Lost Purpose (thoughtsfromthehorizon.wordpress.com)