I sat and reflected on these past 3 1/2 months from within this past year and as I did, I began to ponder the enormous freedom one gets when they arrive at such a place in their journey.
To be frank with you, I give up. I surrender. I give in. Uncle.
And thus, “Here God, take my heart.”
I am not sure what led me to this place the other day, but I will always remember how it felt inside when I reached a place of just saying… here. take it.
I think I was praying about a zillion critical needs and just finally realized how tired I was of trying so hard. What was I missing? Or rather, what was I holding onto?
I have told others for years that everything about us needs everything about Him. But what I am realizing is the sad truth within this truth is that we live like everything about this part of me needs everything about this part of Him. Do you see the difference there?
What are we holding onto?
Are you tired yet? I am. I don’t have it in me anymore. Frankly, I shouldn’t have had it in me in the first place. Yet here I am.
In a life filled with God I need this and this and this and this, oh how we are so so so needy. Yet in this, it is God as incredibly patient as He is with each of us that stands there with arms wide open saying… “then give me this…” as He gestures towards our heart.
It can take a lifetime to pry one’s heart away from one’s hands. For me, I don’t want to go another breath with my heart in my own hands.
How ironic to find freedom in placing one’s heart in the very One’s hands who made it. Who would have thunk it, yet we still do… fight it.
Thank you God for never giving up on me. You are faithful when I am not. Your goodness is all around me despite of me. And yet, here we are… my prodigal heart has returned home into the very hands that made it. It’s funny how that’s a perfect fit.