When seeking to live in accordance to Matthew 6:33, sometimes life’s decisions are easy while other times they are difficult. Factor in some of the elements I have previously written about that I struggle with and sometimes the easiest choices can be the most challenging.
Today I had to make one of those choices.
I had to pull out of a prior commitment which was an event I was going to lead some workshops for in a couple of months.
In my heart and for a lot a of reasons, it was the right thing to do. But, my approval addiction from fear of abandonment made it a challenge. I just didn’t want to let down the people I had made a commitment to. But, for the sake of health, bandwidth, and just downright not feeling this was the right thing for me to do, I had to pull out. But even more than my fear of letting others down, was my greater fear of not wanting to let myself, family, or calling down as I seek to seek His kingdom first.
I hate doing that. (commit and then de-commit) I never do that. But I am learning to listen before I act, even if that requires wrestling.
Doing the right thing is not always easy. For me, I have been learning what the kingdom looks like in my life. In Matthew 6:33, it says to seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you. In the past, in the name of the kingdom of God, I sought first instead, the “all these things.”
Whether it be ego, approval, relevance, or whatever? I sought it. All the while running away from the things that mattered most all in the name of thinking I was seeking the things that mattered most.
It’s rather ironic that this verse has been on my heart for so long and then along comes an opportunity to see how I might respond to this verse through the lens of a prior choice I had made to take part in this event.
Do we know what the kingdom looks like in our own life? Do we seek it first? Or, do we seek “all these things” first?
Maybe doing the right thing is not always easy because we have a false view or understanding of what it really means to seek ye first the kingdom? The backdrop is all wrong. We’re seeking the wrong things in the name of them being the right things.
That doesn’t mean, like in this case the event I was committed to. It’s a great event with great speakers, etc. But, it was not for me. It was made clear in my spirit that it was not for me. But, I tried to make it fit like a square peg in a round hole. That’s what happens when we have new life in Christ. The old things we used to do just don’t fit anymore.
Christ is doing a new thing.
When you are forcing some thing, then chances are it is not His thing for you. Don’t fight it. Don’t wrestle with it. Walk away from it.
Next time, don’t even do it.
If I had all this to do again, I would have done it a lot more differently. Even down to how I came to know what needed to be done and how quickly I acted. I’m sure it was like whiplash and out of left field to the event coordinators. For that, I am so sorry. But for my heart and all that lies deep within, I had to do the right thing, even after the fact and before it was too late.
I owe it to them and to me.