Pondering my “real” love language

Love Language

I have been pondering lately about what if my “love language” wasn’t really my love language but instead based on my survival instincts and not my true DNA?

For years, I thought that words of affirmation was my love language. And of course, why not? With all my talk surrounding fear of abandonment or approval addiction, words of affirmation seem to be the perfect fit.

But why when I do receive words of affirmation does the effect only last so long and never seems sustainable? Was it because of my low self esteem and deep need to fill the void created by my perceived and looming abandonment?

It’s funny, as I get healthier and begin to forgive, let go, and let God on my issues, another language has begun to emerge that seems to have a far lasting effect.

Quality time.

Because of my survival instincts, I needed to constantly fill the void left my fear of abandonment. I could never fill it fast enough.

Certainly, I needed to fill that void not with my love language, but frankly my God.

Here I was seeking to fill up the wrong tank with the wrong fuel. No wonder. But as I grow healthier and begin to see quality time emerge as my love language, it seems that it is the tank that has longed to be filled all along.

It’s funny, the more I live, the more I have grown skeptical of all the personality tests and language assessments. I think they can be extremely helpful. However, what if what you have assessed is a direct result to what you have adapted to as a coping mechanism or survival instinct from childhood?

What if what you assess is not what your DNA would assess?

So, I don’t always take the results as gospel truth. Barnacle has a way of attaching itself to one and making them think its actually a part of them. Yet, it’s not.

So then I ponder, is this love language reflective of the barnacle that has attached itself to me or is it reflective of.. me?

Hmm, no wonder the wake has been so choppy.

What’s your “real” love language?


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