5 words that broke through to my very core..

10606412_10152755634494747_5361317418496365050_nI didn’t see it coming. There was no way I could have scripted that moment and frankly when it happened, I did what I could to fight back the tears. It hit me like a runaway freight train that came out of nowhere. Yet, as out of control as that seems, It was a perfectly timed shot of love to a heart that was so desperate for new life.

Like a heart on life support, it was time to pull the plug, take up my mat, and walk. Or, it was time to ride off into the sunset without a word.

“You are a good man.”

At the age of 43, these words broke through my broken heart, scars, open wounds, and everything else in between. And though it would take literally a year before they would find their place deep within me, something happened that day that set in course the very thing my heart needed, but never could place a finger on.

For me, it was the first time I’d ever heard those words in my entire life. Maybe that’s all I was ever looking for? Some sort of a blessing to finally know that all I was looking for were 5 words that would validate the very one I sought to be.

The last words my father ever said to me before he died was the first time I heard “I love you, too” spoken to me from him. If those were the words I had always longed for, than perhaps the 5 words we speak of here were the one’s that I always needed.

Maybe I needed both?

But what happens when someone listens to your life story and with a look of deep seeded confidence say.. but you are a good man, and you have been a good man?

Really? That despite my mistakes, failures, and bad choices that I still can be.. a good man?

You always have been. He makes you so despite you so.

“My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.” – 1 John 3:18-20

“And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God! We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God’s command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us.” – 1 John 3:21-24

Like a heart on life support, it was time to pull the plug, take up my mat, and walk. Or, it was time to ride off into the sunset without a word.

But not so fast… maybe there’s something to this.

Perhaps I am… a good man.


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