Historically, this has meant a chain reaction of default responses going off that were an attempt to protect me from being hurt. All this meant was my grip growing tighter in an effort to best control a situation in the only way I have known how.
But, I cannot control my way out of this. I can only surrender my way out of it. I was in a daze. My posture was to hope for the worst, prepare for the worst. The question that lingered was when..
When will the series of other shoes drop?
And that’s when I looked over to the right from my chair. A chair I sit in every single day to both work and to watch TV. But something was different this time. This time, an angel was waiting for me.
Though the angel had been there for a few days, I never noticed. Perhaps this was all about timing. If I had looked that way and noticed the angel a day earlier, it would not have had the same impact.
But there it was, standing there positioned just right as to be looking directly right at me. I almost didn’t even believe what I was seeing at first. I mean, it was staring right at me. It was piercing.
An angel with the word BELIEVE written on it(them).
believe: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.
What if believing means simply to let go? To exhale? To remove your grip? To trust?
It was like at that very moment I was given a message of encouragement. A message to say that it not only was okay, but it IS and will be.. okay. Exhale Gunnar and just believe.
I kept moving around in my chair seeking to catch a glimpse of the angel from a different angle and yet no matter how hard I tried, the angel was facing directly at me. I know there are a lot of particulars to how we put out our Christmas displays. With every piece, they need to be angled just right or placed a specific way.
But there the angel stood, angled just right.
“And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.” – Hebrews 3:18-19
I need rest. Perhaps I best listen to the angel messenger that awaited my glance.
Oddly enough, the last time I felt confronted by an angel was nearly ten years ago when facing a huge obstacle(opportunity) in my life.
I was facing a challenge of insurmountable odds. Nobody gave me a chance. It was only a matter of time before I would collapse under the pressure of unrealistic expectations.
Facing such a challenge, I felt that either I would end up being the hero, or more than likely be set up to be the scapegoat. My money was on the latter. I simply did not believe that maybe just maybe, this was going to be my moment. Maybe just maybe, God had this.
I was ready to collapse under pressure. Matter of fact, I told a co worker one afternoon as we were walking in between offices that I had felt this way. Hero or scapegoat. It was 4:30 pm in the afternoon when I confided in them these thoughts about my predicament.
It would be 12 hours later at 4:30 am the next morning when I awoke with Gideon on my mind. Not sure why and not even sure where the story of Gideon was found in the Bible, I couldn’t shake it trying desperately to write it off and go back to sleep.
Seeking to settle it once and for all, I got out my Bible and began the journey of finding the Gideon story. It was then, everything changed as the first thing I read was this..
“The angel of the LORD appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the LORD is with you!”” – Judges 6:12
Perhaps God is trying to send me a message? Perhaps as He did back then, he is doing once again? When that happened, what would play out over the next few years no one saw coming. God was right. I was wrong.
Perhaps it’s time to believe? Perhaps it’s time to trust? Perhaps it’s time to let go and remove my tight grip? Perhaps it’s time to exhale?
So what if the other shoe drops. I’m under His mercy and… i’m ok.
God has this.