Yet tonight, I lay here in bed both still and silent. Where has time gone?
While driving to the party with my soon to be senior daughter, I was once again, well aware of the hourglass. Once my nephew walks the aisle to receive his diploma, next up is my own daughter.
For both my brother and myself, his son and my daughter are the only children we have.
This is it.
It was so good to see so many people come out to honor Austin. This included both my sister in law’s parents as well as my own mom. I sit here and can only wish that dad could have been here, too.
I wonder if the thought crosses my brother’s mind. I wonder if the thought of lost time crosses his mind, too. It crosses mine.
Though this is all part of life’s process, it doesn’t make it any easier. Time is what time is and there is nothing we can ever do to stop it or slow it. It seems with time, all we can do is to hasten it.
I feel numb and surreal tonight.
Perhaps it’s part regret thinking and wishing I was a better uncle. Perhaps it’s part just missing dad and wishing he could have experienced this. Perhaps it’s part fear knowing one year from now, it will be my own daughter.
Oh God, hold me now.
This is my shot. God help me to finally get this right.